Ah, smart glasses. The lovechild of eyewear and technology—promising us the world while we fumble about trying not to walk into lamp posts. Remember Google Glass? I do. It was supposed to transform us into tech-savvy superheroes, but instead, we looked like the dorks from a bad sci-fi flick. Now, they’re making a comeback, insisting they’re fashion-forward and practical. Really, ‘smart’ glasses, how clever do you think you are?

First, let’s dissect the notion of ‘smart’. In the context of glasses, it seems to mean ‘capable of doing too many things, none of them well’. Much like a Swiss army knife that can open a bottle or unscrew a lightbulb but not without some blood loss. These glasses promise to keep us connected and informed, but in reality, they’re just a recipe for social faux pas and sore bridges of the nose.

Imagine wearing a pair that beams notifications in front of your eyes. Sounds amazing—until you’re mid-conversation, nodding along as your mate spills their heart out, and your specs decide it’s prime time to alert you about a cat video. Brilliant, you’ve now transitioned from attentive friend to distracted cyborg with a feline fixation.

Then there’s the matter of fashion. Glasses are personal, often an extension of one’s personality. Enter smart glasses, more ‘chunky nerd’ than ‘chic intellectual’. Designed by engineers rather than style gurus, they often resemble what you’d get if you gave a pair of goggles a degree in computer science.

Functionality? Most models offer little beyond simple notifications, fitness tracking, and the occasional voice assistant—an over-glorified version of a smartwatch. I don’t know about you, but if I’m going to wear something that makes me look like I’m cosplaying a sci-fi fan, I’d expect it to at least shoot lasers or predict the stock market.

But the pièce de résistance is the battery life. In the not-so-distant future, I can picture us all walking around with portable chargers strapped to our heads—looking like a scene from a low-budget dystopian movie. “Sorry, can’t help with directions, my glasses have run out of juice,” you say, as you squint at Google Maps on your phone.

So, are smart glasses the future or just another technological trinket vying for attention? Until they can manage more than being a head-mounted notification centre that makes us look daft, I’ll be sticking with my trusty old regular specs—clear vision and blessed ignorance of every ping and ding the digital world throws my way.