Remember when you used to have a mate who was late to every meet-up, and his excuse was always traffic, a dead phone, or some indistinct mumbling about public transport? Picture him as your virtual assistant, only this time he’s called Alexa, Siri, or Google Assistant. Ah, the trusty virtual assistant, a digital butler making promises of convenience but delivering your calendar updates with about as much finesse as a kangaroo going through a letterbox.

Myth 1) They’re time-savers. The marketing lads tell us these digital marvels are supposed to free up our time, giving us hours back in the day to perfect our barista skills or finally learn how to pronounce “quinoa” without self-doubt. Supposedly.

Dispelled) Realistically, these assistants are less time-savers and more like time-borrowers—constantly asking us to repeat ourselves like a parrot with memory issues. “Hey Siri, what’s the weather like today?” you ask while munching on toast, only to hear a long pause before she informs you about the weather in Paris instead—helpful if you happen to be jet-setting, but somewhat useless when you’re staring out the window at Bondi Beach.

Myth 2) They make us smarter. The idea is that by having instant access to all knowledge, we become enlightened modern-day Einsteins. Remember when we thought calculators would make us math geniuses? Yeah, turns out pressing buttons does not an astrophysicist make.

Dispelled) Virtual assistants do the same. You might feel like a king asking questions to no one in particular and getting an answer, but it’s a bit like owning a personal library and only reading the titles. Want a recipe for lasagna? You’ll be presented with so many options—each with their own peculiarities—that you’ll end up ordering Uber Eats and calling it a day.

Compare our digital butlers to GPS. Sure, they’ll get you from A to B, but God help you if there’s a detour or construction. They’re magnificently good at getting it wrong in just the right way to have you endlessly debating with a machine like a modern Turing Test gone awry.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I do appreciate a good reminder now and then. But as far as becoming a seamless part of the household goes, virtual assistants are still like guests at a BBQ who only brought a six-pack—mildly helpful but you’d hoped for more.

So, here’s to you, virtual assistants. May your misunderstandings and hilariously irrelevant answers keep us entertained. Perhaps one day, you’ll free up all that promised time. Until then, I’ll stick with sticky notes and the occasional “Oi, Google, what’s the weather?” just for a laugh.