You know that feeling when you wake up in the morning, eagerly anticipate your first sip of coffee, and then remember that your coffee machine has an app? That’s right, folks, we’re living in an age where even our blenders are more connected than our relationships. Welcome to the world of the Internet of Things—where everything is smart except the reason for its existence.

Myth 1) The more connected, the better.

Opened a fridge lately? It’s got Wi-Fi, touch screens, and probably the ability to launch a drone strike if you press the wrong combination of buttons. But does it actually keep your food cold any better than the one from 20 years ago? Spoiler alert: No. What we’ve achieved is turning every appliance into a teenager—constantly draining power and refusing to function when disconnected from social media.

Dispensed) How did we get to a point where our light bulbs need firmware updates? Last I checked, Thomas Edison didn’t need a LAN cable to turn on a light. We’ve swapped out practical functionality for flashy gimmicks—there’s no reason your washing machine should require a software patch to avoid a mid-cycle existential crisis.

Myth 2) Smart devices save time.

Now, imagine a world where your refrigerator not only keeps your food fresh but also emails you passive-aggressive grocery lists. Or when your toaster rebels and decides to only communicate in binary because you forgot to update its loyalty program. If anything, these devices make us spend more time tinkering under the hood of our household gadgets than actually enjoying the end result.

Dispensed) We’ve crossed into absurdity, my friends. Kettles you can start via an app, but you still have to get up to pour the bloody thing. Truly, the Internet of Things is about as useful as a chocolate teapot in a heatwave.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not some Luddite pining for rotary phones and unconnected dishwashers. But maybe—just maybe—we don’t need a Bluetooth-equipped bin to remind us that it’s bin night. At this rate, I’m bracing for the day my toothbrush demands its own Twitter account.

In conclusion, while the Internet of Things might seem like the cutting edge of convenience, let’s face it; it’s mostly just the edge. So, next time you’re tempted by that Wi-Fi-enabled egg carton, remember this: sometimes, a thing is better left being just a thing.