Remember when cyberpunk was the future? We all thought we’d be living in a world where laptops were sleek, shiny objects straight out of a Philip K. Dick novel. Instead, we’re stuck with machines that often look like they were designed by someone who takes life advice from their kettle.

Let’s break down the myth of the futuristic laptop. Myth one: By now, laptops should look as if they’ve just fallen off the back of a Tron cycle. Dispelled: In reality, many laptops still resemble the uninspired, grey slabs of the early 2000s. How did we go from Blade Runner dreams of neon-aluminium contraptions to the monotonous black rectangles we’re presented with today? It’s as if they’ve been designed by the same bloke who figured out that beige was a happening colour in the 90s.

The big tech companies promised us laptops that were the Swiss army knives of computing. Yet, here we are, with products that have all the elegance of a brick wrapped in a slightly more polished brick. And don’t get me started on the names they give them. I mean, do we really want to be carrying around something called the “XYZ 480G Turbo Ultra Plus”? It sounds less like a defining piece of technology and more like something you’d use to unclog a drain.

It’s not just about aesthetics, either. In our pop-culture-obsessed world, why haven’t laptops become as iconic as, say, the Walkman or the first iPod? Part of the problem is that laptops, for all their utility, exude no personality. They’re the sensible shoes of the tech world. Reliable, yes, but you wouldn’t take them to a music festival.

Sure, some companies are trying to jazz it up—throwing in a bit of rose gold here, a splash of cobalt blue there—but it’s more like putting lipstick on a pig. What happened to the holographic screens and the interactive displays we were promised? Perhaps they’re lost somewhere along with our hoverboards and jet packs, but that’s a rant for another day.

And while we’re complaining, let’s talk about branding. Why not toss in a bit of retro charm or some pop culture references? Imagine carrying a “DeLorean Laptop” that booted up to the sound of “The Power of Love”. Or a model that lights up like a Star Wars lightsaber. At least then I’d feel like I’m doing more with my life than just checking emails and pretending to understand Excel.

Until then, we’re stuck with a world where laptops are as flat and uninspired as a wet week in Melbourne. So here’s a shoutout to future laptop designers: Give us something that’s not only functional but also a conversation starter. Because if our devices are going to cost as much as a used car, they should at least help us feel like the coolest version of ourselves—not just another office worker slogging through the nine-to-five.